Flashback Comedy

One of my current projects at the apartment is to clean up the 2nd bedroom which is currently in use for storage. Once that room is cleaned up, I'll have a much more organized place, and more room to work on hobby projects. While cleaning, I have unearthed multiple old stacks of papers from High School. Reading some of these papers, I understand now I've always had this corny of a sense of humor, and if possible, when younger it was even worse. To share some of these discoveries of corniness, I bring you back to Winter of 1997-1998, and random things that after saying them just made us think... "what did we just say?"

Things Overheard in a Bike Shop

1. How big are these balls? Ball bearings come in different sizes.
2. I don't like the looks of these nipples. Nipples are the little pieces that hold spokes to the wheel.
3. Can you adjust my crank? The arms the pedals are attached to is called the crank.
4. You aren't supposed to be wearing underwear. With bike shorts.
5. Whack it harder. Using a hammer to get more leverage.
6. Is that screwed with the right hand or left? Right and left pedals are different threads.
7. Tight enough just to fit your finger underneath. Sizing bike shorts.
8. Provides exellent lubrication for all moving parts. Silicone spray lubricant.
9. Slowly, or it will blow off in your face. When inflating tires, don't put in too much air.
10. Wiggle it so it goes in further. Getting the valve through a rim while fixing a flat.
11. Well, did she give you a nice ride or what? Test riding bikes.
12. Do you want it in back or up front? Storage.
13. Don't get it on your shirt, it'll never come out. Synthetic grease.
14. Leave it for the head guy to play with. Sometimes the average mechanic can't cut it.
15. Mare sure the rubber's wide enough. Rubber rimstrips protect tubes from spokes.
16. It's hard to control when it's not straight. Handlebars.
17. Quick, I need a third hand! A tool used to tension cables.
18. I'll grab one side, you grab the other, pull on three... Technique to bend forks back into shape.
19. Here, feel how squishy this is. Handlebar grips.
20. How big of a rack do you want? To carry stuff on the back of the bike.
21. Does that come with batteries? Headlight and tail light set.
22. It automatically tells you how far you've gone. Bike computers.
23. Is that the big hole or the little hole? Schraeder and Presta (French valve) innertubes.
24. Ow! These teeth keep poking me! When you're too close to the rear sprocket, bad things happen.
25. How stiff do you want it? Shock fork adjustments.